I thought that marrying the boy would make up for sleeping with him.
I thought converting my husband would make up for marrying outside the church.
I thought that having a baby would make up for out-earning my husband.
I thought that hating my job and changing my job and still hating my job and changing my job again would make up for being a working mom.
I thought that quitting drinking would make up for being a bad Mormon.
I thought that finding God in the rooms would make up for leaving the church.
I thought that writing my life like it was a story would make it all make sense.
What if I never had to do any of that?
What if I was already redeemed?
What if I’m still glad I tried?